Fear is a thing to be overcome with care. It’s easy as to say “it’s only in the mind and we have nothing to fear except fear itself”. These are great words that have been repeated over and over but they don’t always account for the reasons we start to develop fears.
As we get older or develop a disease that weakens us our fears try to protect us from doing things we would have not been afraid of when we were younger or stronger. Simple things like Driving to visit someone on a rainy or cold day when we were young would not even enter our minds, but now we think what would happen if I had a breakdown.
Once about a year into my struggle with wegener's (GPA) I drove to the drug store on a very cold day somewhere around -16C( 3 F) and my van would not start after getting the new medications I needed. Tried to call my neighbour for help but got no answer. Hey, I am just turning 50 and my house in only 4 maybe 5 blocks away, I can walk home and wait for my neighbour to come and help me. Seem the strain of that short walk in the cold may have triggered the big flair I had a week later, OK note to self don’t take unnecessary risks your not as tough as you once were and fear is growing.
This is not a bad fear as it will protect me in the future and I now avoid going out on cold days and bought a very good and overly expensive battery for my vehicle. The problem is these fears have a habit of growing on their own for no good reason, I could get stuck in traffic and get too sore, what if the path is too long and I can’t get back, it’s slippery I could fall, what if by the time we get there I am too sore to enjoy the visit. What if it’s too hot and what if the painting is too hard with too much detail and I will hurt too much to finish…
Fear is a very good thing but you have to trim it back once in a while or it will overgrow your garden. I visited the Walpole Bay Hotel a long time ago and wanted to paint this picture for a very long time but was afraid because of the many details and colour challenges. This picture took longer than most of my paints and I had to take many breaks but it's nice to trim back the fears and see the beautiful garden again.
